August 16, 2007

  • Plop, plop, fizz, fizz...........

    I probably shouldn't admit it, but I love the Happy Cows from California. "I'm winning....I'm winning...I'm....oo-o Dandelions!" and {with small cloud passing over pasture - cows scatter} "I hate the rainy season." and, the classic,
    "She's been tipped one time too many."

    It's fair to say that through the years I have been influenced by commercials. One of my favorite songs is, "I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener." Even though people will ridicule, they always sing along. How many times have you been challenged to finish "two all beef patties...." {I hear you now doing it} Another catchy little tune, "Hot Dogs, Armour Hot Dogs, What kinds of kids eat Armour Hot Dogs......" Now would be a good time to confess that I've never actually had an Armour hot dog or an Oscar Mayer wiener. [what is the difference?]. Most disturbing of all, and probably un-American...I've never had a Big Mac.

    I know I'm stating the obvious when I tell you that all commercials are not created equal. I can't stand the Welch's Grape Juice Kids and I would gleefully shoot the gecko, the cavemen, and the duck. Insurance Companies. Ar-rgh-h!

    How about we bring back the beer, booze, and cigarette ads ? You know, the ones we've replaced with the tampon and erectile dysfunction commercials (thank you Bob Dole). I really miss those beer tunes. "When you're out of Schlitz, oo- oo, nothing else comes near....", or that, "Call for Phillip Morris-" If you had been watching commercials through the years, you'd think we had gone from a society of smoking alcoholics to being a bunch of asthmatic pill poppers. Hmm-m-m.

    Whatever you think of TV ads, just remember - Trix Are For Kids - and - It's Not Nice To Fool Mother Nature - and - Thank You For Your Support !

August 13, 2007

  • Life is just a chair of bowlies.

    I don't really keep a journal, but I do have a bunch of stuff I've collected over the years. It's poems, excerpts from books, bumper stickers, songs, lotsa songs. Well, you'll get the idea, because I think I'll share some of them with you from time to time. Here's the first installation.

    May the light always find you on a dreary day.
    When you need to be home, may you find your way.
    May you always have the courage to take a chance.
    And never find frogs in your underpants.
    ____________________________________________
    John Paul Mullers, got coated with colors,
    When some buckets of paint blew apart.
    We put John Paul in a frame on the wall,
    Now everone knows him as Art.
    ___________________________________
    Everyone does foolish things, so do them with enthusiasm.
    ________________________________________________
    Life is much too important to be taken seriously.
    ________________________________________
    Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness,
    and just be happy.
    _________________________________________________
    You've got to do it,
    Every little bit.
    You've got to do it, do it, do it,
    And when you're through,
    You'll be glad with what you have,
    Because you did it, you did it, you did it. - - - - M.Rogers

    _________________________________
    Well, that's just a sampling. I also have, of course, classic entries such as The Jabberwocky (I can hear you all mumbling 'twas brillig and the slithy....') oh, and, Desiderata, and the Rainbow Connection, and the Inchworm, and Yogi Berra quotes, and well, you get the idea. I'm afraid the only artistic thing that I added to it, is that the entries are all in pretty, jazzy colored inks. Woo hoo, big fuhn ! Now I'm going back to "Oh, Frabjous day ! Callooh ! Callay ! He chortled in his Joy. " TTFN

    .

August 4, 2007

  • Up an atom...

    On one of my journeys to illness, my co-workers, knowing my appreciation of words, sent me this list

    Barium - what you do when the patient dies...
    Urine - opposite of "you're out"...
    Cauterize - made eye contact with her...
    Ova - finished; done with...
    Sperm - to reject; look away from...
    Enema - opposite of friend...
    Node - was aware of...
    White count - number of Caucasions...
    Hernia - pertaining to a female knee...
    Fibrilate - to tell a small lie...
    D&C - where Washington is...
    Bunion - Paul's surname...
    Paradox - two doctors...
    Coronary - domesticated yellow bird...
    Constipation - endangered feces...
    Humerus - tell us what we want to hear...
    Intestine - currently taking an exam...
    Outpatient - person who has fainted...
    Genital - non-Jew...
    Sacrum - Holy...
    Pelvis - evil twin of Elvis...
    Seizure - Roman Emperor...
    Pap Smear - slander your father...
    Dilate - to live a long time...
    Penis - someone who plays piano...
    Rectum - dang near killed him..................

    I can't say it was a cure, but it certainly made me feel a lot better !!!!

July 27, 2007

  • "....when we were a couple of kids."

    A few people's blogs have been waxing nostalgic lately, so, I thought I'd go there too. Back to a time when "dinner time was all you had to know.." Back to before I could spell angst, never mind suffer it. Back to an oh, so much simpler time for children.. Back to school my friends.......Elementary my dear Watsons.

    By mid-August every year the anticipation would start to build. Vacation was nearing an end, but it had been fun, as usual. We weren't near a beach and we didn't have fire hydrants to open, so it was sprinklers, and hoses, and inflatable pools, for us. As long as there was no thunder or lightening we could even go out and play in the rain (I think that was the best). Like most 50's families, we had only 1 car, so we would wait for Dad to get home to take us to the town lake for 1/2 hr. before supper (at 5:30). During the day there were games of Monopoly on someone's rickety ol' picnic table -or Sorry -or Parcheesi -or Life -or card games of Old Maid -or Fish -or War (no one had a Clue game - - I didn't get a clue til much later...badumpbump). We girls, still played with dolls until we were 10 or 11 yrs old. This was pre-Barbie, but I had a Ginny doll, a Betsy Wetsy, a Tiny Tears, and an 18" generic teen-age doll that my aunt made 6 or 7 outfits for, including the de rigueur wedding ensemble. We had a favorite little copse of small pines that we could divide up into rooms by mounding up "walls" of pine needles. These were our houses and we'd bring out our toy dishes and hang our children's clothes on the branches...and...'idyllic' comes to mind. But, I digress....I often do.

    So, now, back to Back-to-school. As Labor day approached the preparations were well underway. New school shoes, New school dresses (pants for girls were still 15 yrs away), New lunch boxes w/a thermos that never got used because we bought milk at school [remember those red plastic octagonal chits you handed in ??], New pencil boxes w/pencils and a pink eraser.

    Then the bus arrived and you got to meet and greet the kids from across town whom you hadn't seen all summer. I'm not sure how it was decided, but somehow during that first week [3 days], I was usually appointed bus monitor. This meant that I had a badge [cool - huh?] and one of those one-shoulder-around-the-waist strappy things to put it on. As the bus approached, I got everyone into two lines....1 for the boys and 1 for the girls. Yep, that was me..perpetrating [of course, neither I, nor any other kid, knew it at the time]. We did everything in two lines - in and out to recess - go to lunch or anywhere - sing at assembly - eat in the cafeteria - everything was divided boys/girls - No Prob - never gave it a second thought - Honest Native American. Remember, we were still playing with dolls and there were only three stations on the T.V. (b&w).

    Next, you'd get into your new classroom and pick a desk next to your friends. The 1st thing your teacher would do is re-arrange you in alphabetical order. I can only figure that this was the least arbitrary way that the teacher had of preventing these potentially chatty and disruptive cliques from forming. Whatevah ! Next on the Agenda - New Crayons - YAY. Those nice big fat half moon shaped ones. Is there anything more joyous than a new box of crayons?!? ( ya ya, I know, there's lots - -I'm just "wax"ing poetic) Then came the back-to-school activity that I never really understood. We would get at least 2 grided oaktag sheets with upper and lower case letters and numbers printed on them. Then we would cut them into individual 1/2" squares and put them into a small cardboard box. I don't remember ever using them for anything, except, maybe, as markers for the bingo games we played for indoor recess. But every year we would cut them out.

    During that first week we tested for our Reading Groups. This established the power base for the upcoming year. The better readers, like myself, got more privileges [ jobs, actually ]. Helping with the remedial programs, collecting the milk chits, working in the kitchen running the dish machine - Ah, bus monitor ! The less better readers got to pass out and collect up papers, clap erasers, and put the balls and ropes away after recess.

    Whenever I see that Staples ad with the parent dancing around the aisles, gleefully tossing stuff into the cart while announcing "They're going back...!". I think - - - "Indeed" ..and I smile.

July 21, 2007

  • Some companies care......ri-i-ghht !

    Just when you thought corporate America had totally lost sight of the little person - - the consumer - - the cream in their coffee - - - they come through, big time, and just wrap their business-ey arms around your heart. Or, perhaps that's their corporate fingers, around your throat. You see, the other day I received, on time, not only a birthday greeting, but also a gift, from Marlboro - - - an ashtray! I'm tempted to stop writing right here just so's you'll have time to imagine how touched I was that they remembered. No, I better keep typing or I'll start choking again.

    Do You remember the campaign they had back in the day where you could save up miles or something? Well with two of us Marlboro 'Men' in the house we ended up with marl. wind-proof lighters...marl. duffel bags...marl. waders...marl. tent... marl. backpack...marl. dungaree jacket...marl. radio...and even a marl. portable gas grill. Whoo-o-ee-e, It was better than the Green Stamp floor lamp, or the gas station steak knives, or the grocery store encyclopedias. What's your gas station given you lately ? Ya, See ? Nice, huh?

    I should probably write and dissuade them from believing that I will ever be a customer again, but I wouldn't want them to think I don't appreciate all they've done for me in the past. If I hadn't made a promise to a loved one that I would quit {I believe it was with hand gestures because I was intubated at the time}, I would most definitely go out and get me a pack. Smoke 'em if you got 'em....just blow some of the smoke my way.

July 18, 2007

  • OBSERVATION::: Whenever I 'blog' something and I first see it in print, my first thoughts harken back to that Coffee Talk sketch that Mike Meyer's did. He'd give 'them' a topic and say - - " Now, talk amongst yourselves". I feel like I should end my blogs with that phrase. Can you tell I'm easily amused? I am!

  • The first time I ever clicked anything was Thanksgiving 2006. One of the first things I found out about was Google (they were afraid to show me E-Bay). My premier forays were to find out where some of the expressions that I'd heard as a kid, from my Gran and my Mother, came from. Here are a few of them just so's you'll know where my love of language comes from, partly. Howsabout - - lord love a duck - - the worm turns - - cockamamie - - tilting at windmills - - march to the beat of a different drum - - peck's bad boys - - I'll be buggered (careful, that's my gran you're talkin' about) - - don't sass me - - cheeky - - warm the cockles of your heart - - in like Flynn (easy - move over Mr. Depp) - - a buck - - a copper (cop) - - a fin - - to get the colly wobbles - - hinky - - cahoots - - heeby jeebys - - and (the ever favorite) kit and kaboodle. Just to name a few. I know that you can find most of their meanings in the dictionary, (online, of course...ya, of course...), but How did they get here - - Google knows !

July 15, 2007

  • Now I know I'm definitely going to hell. Not only did I cancel my subscription to National Geographic and told L.L.Bean that I didn't want their catalog anymore, but I also just read a children's book. That, in and of itself isn't that hell deserving, but my first thoughts afterwards might be.
    You see, it was the story {beautifully illustrated} of a lonely old farmer who, on Christmas Eve, found a horse wandering in the snowy woods. He brought the mare home and got her warmed and fed and settled in his barn. When he checked on her in the morning, she was not alone - - she had a beautiful little foal beside her----cue hell----my first thought was - - name it Jesus - - - -OY !