Hello Dahlin’s…..
This isn’t actually Moe, this is her only-est dearest darlingest daughter, Annie. I don’t know how much my mum would approve of me coming around here and stealing her blog and writing about true stuff and all that, but I’m going to go ahead anyways. I have a couple things to tell you.
My mum, the indomitable Cestmoe, passed away on the 16th of August. Her lungs and her heart just wouldn’t work anymore, and I was there with her when she died. She was peaceful at the end, and I’m sure she’s with my dad right now, drifting in a canoe down some heavenly canyon river in the sky.
It took me a while to figure out how to do this. I don’t want to blather on and on about all the sad parts, because why waste your life making a dreary fuss? But I will say that she had been ill for many years and she missed my dad an awful lot. She couldn’t really get out and about anymore, and although I think she might have felt confined and lonely once in a blue moon, that never really seemed to impede her happiness. My mother wasn’t really defined by any kind of physical aspects- although her body was sick, her spirit was the otherworldly sort, mixed in with a healthy dose of mischief. Her last entry has reverberated with me over the past weeks; it’s true, she never took herself terribly seriously. She was a happy person. I think that’s the sort of thing that’s important to remember.
She also loved to collect words, pictures and histories; she used to say that in a past life she was one of those monks who painstakingly copied books by hand and and were keepers of the archives. I wouldn’t doubt it- you should see all the freaking colored fine point pens she has squirreled away! and all the intricately half-filled coloring books! and the photos! and and the notebooks books full of little quotes and stories!
For years she would tease me about my blog (I’m a xangan, too) before she started her own- she used to say: “Why on earth would you want to write all that stuff where people can READ it??” Suffice to say, I think she figured it out; it’s rather fitting that she became so very attached to this journal, and to the people she corresponded with. You know who you are, and you should also know that you made a humongous difference to her by offering her your thoughts and your friendship. Or e-friendship, as the case may be. For someone who never left the house, she sure had a lot of interesting friends in interesting places, many of whom she came to care very much about. It’s a little bit amazing, huh? So I wanted to thank all of you for being her friends. <3
I’ll leave you with the Desiderata, which was my mother’s favorite. (You can tell because she copied it down word for word in purple ink on the very first page of her “Chair of Bowlies” notebook.) These are simple truths, just the kind she loved, and good words to live by.
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
